There isn’t much good that will come from the (what ifs) because it won’t change anything and there isn’t anything that you can do about changing how things will play out. Find something else too occupy your mind so that you can start letting go of the worries. Try exercising and go for a walk or start a hobby. One other thing is learning too accept your new normal.

Anxiety from cancer is very real and I have felt it often but don't let it control everything. Find useful distractions. Hobbies, friends and people you can talk to and try to find something to be thankful about. It helps. I pray everyday even though I haven't been to church in years. But even having something to believe in helps the soul and keeps us going in life even through the hurdles of life.

I have lain awake all night for many nights over the last 5 years 4 months and counting. Sometimes my mind races and won't stop thus depriving me of sleep. Got to wear yourself out mentally to get to sleep sometimes it seems.

Thank you for your answer. Sometimes I think that the anxiety is worse than the multiple myeloma

Absolutely a normal reaction to a highly scary diagnosis. Add in fear plus anxiety you can also find depression. Talk to your primary care doc. You may find help talking to a therapist/ psychologist as well as medication to get through those sleepless nights or anxiety attacks or however you may find yourself feeling. Being diagnosed with a currently incurable disease is scary to hear. It can be an emotional roller coaster.